My friend Jimmy

When you are pregnant there are two kinds of days. The kind where you walk into the doctors office on time, you pee right into the cup to give your “sample” with no drips, they call you back with no waiting, find the baby’s heartbeat right away and then send you on your way. Then there are the days where you bring your 19 month old with you to the docs. You wait in the waiting room for almost an hour, pee directly on your hand instead of in the cup while your child unrolls all the toilet paper, and then the doctor hassles you about your blood sugars. As the day gets closer and closer to baby #3 getting here I find myself living more and more in the chaos and frustration of the 2^nd scenario, pee on my hand and all and to be frank, it isn't always mine. I seem to be living in the tired and challenging and lugging myself plus 2 little boys around in the day to day. How will I manage with one more? Will I manage?? I know I will. Yes is the answer and contrary to what my mind is telling me, people raise 3 children and more everyday and survive. Not that anything is so bad, or I am really struggling, I am just thinking through how my life will look as I prepare for the addition of another one. I have been wondering if it can be more than mere “survival”? I want to enjoy and soak in as much as I can while my babies are just that, babies…but the reality of babies is work and repetition and no time for extras. How will this all look?

Good thing God knew I would need a dose of encouragement. When we started bible study back up this winter they whipped out one on the book of James. I didn’t really know too much about good ole, as Martin Luther refereed to him as, “Jimmy” prior to the study but thanks to the detailed explanations of Beth Moore and other women who are way smarter than me, I am coming to grasp something that I probably would have not really appreciated if I would have just tried to read it on my own in context. James opens like this:

“Dear brothers and sisters, when trouble comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

James 1:2

We talked in our groups about how “joy” in this case isn’t your run of the mill emotion but more of a state of being you find yourself in from knowing, loving and obeying the Lord. The rest of the book is also not really a sweet and smooth read but more of a bold challenge to get up off your tushie and let your actions be a reflection of your faith and of your words. Whew! Convicting? To me, very much. I am not currently in the middle of any big crisis or hardship although I can reflect on plenty of times I have been there. I think what I am in the middle of is just plain ole life. I let the messes, the bugers & snotty noses, the no time for a shower…or me at all, the toys broken and everywhere, the 17^th dirty diaper or load of laundry weigh on me. And then I feel a little trapped in it. And that causes me to feel restless and sorry for myself and my actions towards my kids, who I desperately want to see Jesus in our home, and my husband and my family and friends suffer at the hand of my “everydays”. This week though, Jimmy my friend, you have done more than just encourage the 12 tribes you were writing to, you are encouraging me to figure out how to consider the everydays of my life, the messes and frustrations and giggles and sweet smiles…ALL of it, an opportunity for joy. To be in the state of JOY no matter how sticky and ordinary the day is. And when I think about it as a whole, like as a movie montage, both the good and the bad make me tear up and remember that even I could never have choose a life this precious and perfect for myself. And to take it a step further, I now need let my actions…my patience, how I react, how I show love and compassion to be a reflection of this faith that I constantly tell my kids about and so desperately want them to know too. Can I help them to know Jesus and have faith in their life, yep, and according to Jimmy I just need to WALK in mine.