Today is 10 years

I have diabetes.

Ten years ago today I made a phone call to the Health Center at my college in Lincoln Nebraska that changed my life. I have diabetes. 10 years ago today I heard that for the first time and sometimes even when I say it now I think, surely that can't be true. But it is. 10 years ago my first reaction to that phrase was "Oh my gosh, now can I even have kids??". 10 years ago today was the start of a lot of tears, fear, frustration, anger, overwhelming changes & more.

BUT...

Ten years later, I am a better person now because I have diabetes. I am more organized and careful. I get my body more than I used to. I appreciate the master piece that we truly are and the blessing that it is when everything works right. I know more about the amazing creator God is. I am pregnant with my 3rd child. I have grown and stretched, some times by force to accept things in life I cannot change and make the best out of them. I don't eat Twizzlers or drink regular anything. I do still love dessert. I am learning every day that God let's us tackle certain things for a reason. I am starting to see a clearer picture of that reason in my life. I just talked to a room full of medical students about life with diabetes confidently and loved that job. Maybe someday I will get to work more with caring for people like me.

I still hate it. It still sucks. I now have 10 hole poked fingers to show for it. I still wear a pod & worry about everything I put in my mouth. I still have to wake up in the night covered in sweat and shaking and drink 5 juice boxes. I still have anxiety about highs blood sugars. I still have fear about the long term affects of this disease. It's still changing the way I operate, how much energy I have, how I feel about everything. It still costs WAY too much. It still affects my family.

But I see purpose in it. I see God in the after math. I am living and moving forward in spite of it. 10 years later my dreams about family & kids are coming true. I feel blessed for the challenge and struggle because I am result of this being a part of my life.

10 years has seen a lot of growth in me. I couldn't be more thankful for them.