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It's been a while...we'll more than a month to be exact since my last post was Sawyer's 2 month birthday! He is now well over 3 months....it's going so fast! I will post pics of what we've have been up to the last month soon, but in light of the last few weeks I just wanted to post something that's been on my heart. In just 2 weeks we have had a friend pass away from a car accident involving a drunk driver, friends decide to get divorced, and another family we know lose their baby at 17 weeks and have a deliver and say good bye to him. It has seemed to be just so much sadness everywhere I turn. My heart is so so heavy with all of this. I can get so down and wrapped up in a spiral of worry, fear and anxiety about this world that we are living in and the waters that my kids are going to have to wade through as they get older. I have realized that having a family, first a spouse and then children is not only the biggest JOY this life has but is also such a risk. It terrifies me to imagine my children in pain, suffering....or having to live in this world without them. I have been doing a lot of thinking on this.

Thankfully, I have been quietly reminded that this is not the way that God wants me to live...wasting my time and energy in a spiral of fear instead of just trusting in Him and his promises, remembering that "he's got the whole world in his hands"! Knowing that the trails we go through can only stir up God in our lives more and remembering how much joy and good things this life has to offer has given me a lot of peace as I wrestle with the hard stuff. Also, how disappointed would I be if I wasted any precious time with my kids worrying instead of telling them how much I love them in the event that something tough did happen. I read a quote from Michael J. Fox, "So let me make this suggestion. Don't spend a lot of time imagining the worst-case scenario. It rarely goes down as you imagine it will, and if by some fluke it does, you will have lived it twice.", and that just put things into perspective. In the last year I have truly struggled with letting anxiety fill me up instead of the peace that God offers. I wasted so much time letting it control my life. With the arrival of Sawyer, I finally got the hint God was throwing at me, TRUST IN ME, and suddenly it has made all the difference. I have no idea what the future holds, but I do know who holds the future and that has to be enough for me.

I was reading "Moms" devotional and this is a prayer that they posted for protection over your children. When I start to let my mind "go there" I just go back and re-read this with confidence and remember that the one who makes these promises is good all the time. It makes me realize that I just need to be all in or not at all with God, and I just get that " he'd rather we be hot or cold than luke warm" verse all the more now, when I am in the middle I just don't feel "held". So, here's me buying in....I'm HOT! And I am lifting you up to him boys!

"God's Word promises divine protection for the children of God. Therefore, I proclaim that no evil shall come near me or my family. No plague shall come near my kids; though a thousand may fall at their side and ten thousand at their right hand, it shall not, will not, cannot come near my children.

God's angel's encamp around my kids. The angels of the Lord have charge over them to protect and keep them from danger, harm, and injury of any kind.

Though they walk through the fire they will not be burned. If they find themselves in flood waters, they will not overtake them. Though they walk through the valley of the shadow of death, they will fear no evil, for God is with them. No weapon formed against my children shall prosper.

God is their refuge and fortress. He will deliver them from the traps of the enemy, and He will deliver them from deadly diseases. Under God's wings they take refuge, and His truth is their shield and protection from all the dangers of this world. I plead the blood of Jesus over them, over any vehicle they ride in, over their school, and over any house or building they go into.

They shall not fall prey to the schemes and traps of Satan. They walk with wisdom and discernment and quickly heed God's voice. My children shall live long on the earth. They will fulfill the plans and purposes God has designed for them."

Hebrews 13:5

Psalm 17:8

Psalm 91:10

Philippians 4:7