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Wow...it seems there is so much sadness right now. Things that are going on in our friends lives at the moment...our good family friends just lost their son (15 months) from a choking accident...another friend is having serious complications with her pregnancy...there just seems to be so much on my heart and the list is long for prayer requests. Sometimes I just feel like the burden is too much to bear and that life just seems so tragic. It seems confusing to me where God is in all of this...and over the last week or so I have been wondering about that. Thankfully for me, he is a God who is constantly pursuing my heart and isn't going to let my thoughts just linger there. Today through my bible study and a pod cast from our church, God reached down and calmed my aching heart and troubled soul as I contemplate all of this, and although I do not have answers, I at least have the assurance that God is orchestrating everything to his glory.

In 2 Peter 2:9 it says, "The lord KNOWS HOW to rescue the godly from trails...". Beth Moore went on to talk about how much we fret and worry about things, we contemplate and rehash, we wonder and groan in pain, all the while forgetting that GOD KNOWS. He has already won the battle, he knows how to pick us up and get us back on our feet. No amount of worry is going to help us up but somehow God always seems to be able to hold out a hand in our time of need. My study went on to remind me that the VICTORY in this life is not the trails that God pulls us out of (although these are cause for great joy) but the VICTORY is in FAITH...the trust we have in him before we can see or understand the outcome. I have come to realize that on this earth there are things that we can cannot possibly understand or won't be around to realize the outcome of, so if I am constantly waiting for a happy ending, my life will be so full of disappointments. On the other hand, if I am considering the victory in my life to be the knowledge, trust, and faith I have in the Lord, then no mountain is too high to climb, no trail is too big. Our pastor touched on this on Palm Sunday, when talking about the week that lead up to Christ's crucifixion. He was remarking about the chaos and confusion that the disciples were going through as their teacher, leader, and friend was put to a horrifying death on the cross. People were looking for some sort of miracle or magic...some kind of salvation from the situation. I have to admit that if I was there, I think I would have thought, game over....this situation is entirely too terrible to overcome. Yet Jesus didn't just want to save them from a bad situation, he wanted to save us in a much bigger way and give us eternal life with him. It wasn't about the moment (surprise!) with God it was about the BIGGER PICTURE!

I am humbled to say that as firm as I feel my foundation is in the Lord, as much as I would tell you that my life's purpose is to try and bring glory to Him, I am still shaken at the tragedy of this world. Thankfully, I don't have too far to fall, my knowledge and real life experience has proven every time that God is right there...just waiting (again) for me to look back up at him and let him carry the extra weight. I still don't understand just what all of this sadness is about...but I will tell you that the Lord is giving me the tools to accept that my faith in Him is the only thing that I can focus on and lean into that won't leave me empty handed. It is the hope I am holding onto for dear life.

When one of the disciples asked Jesus what he was doing by washing his feet just before he died, he answered, "you don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will." The BIG picture belongs to Him the choice to TRUST that he is working for the good of those who love him belongs to me, and is the only answer that is going to bring me peace in the chaos of this world.

Just wanted to share what was on my heart...thanks for your love and prayers.