And some perspective...

This is Ryan one more time. There was one more memory I wanted to share with all of you before closing up shop for tonight and getting some much needed rest. Sawyer was admitted to the NICU (ICU for babies) after he was born due to some fairly inconsequential problems with breathing. He is fine now, and Griffin went through the same when he was born, so we were prepared. However I wasn’t prepared for everything the NICU would show me yesterday. As I stood looking at my son, tears of joy welling up in my eyes, Sawyer’s doctor apologized to me for not coming to talk with us sooner. “I am taking care of another baby that is going to die today…” Those words echoed through my head for what seemed like an eternity wrapped up in 30 seconds and I can still play them back perfectly in my head. As I stood there thanking God for the miracle that he had brought into our lives, a mother and father stood less that 20 feet away from me, questioning the same God, asking him why, and I asked with them. I looked at my perfect son and asked God why those people weren’t going to be able to share the same joy I am sharing with all of you. I can’t tell you that I heard an answer clearly back, because I don’t think God believes we deserve an answer every time we ask why. That makes me feel many things. I am confused, angry, disappointed, sorrowful, and at the same time delighted, thankful, joyful, and blessed at the gift I have been given in Sawyer. Through experiencing these crazy emotions all at the same time, I was drawn closer to God in those 15 minutes that I have been the entire last 2-3 years of my life. Those emotions stirred my heart to seek him and talk to him, and question him and grow in him. My prayer (and I hope you will join me) is that the family of that baby would draw closer to him, that our doctor that was treating him would draw closer, and that you in your moments of pain would draw closer to God even further than in your moments of joy and thankfulness.