While it's still my turn....

Dearest G man:

Just thinking about how big you are tonight and how quickly time has gone since you arrived. Do you know how thankful I am that for this brief moment on earth, and even briefer time you will spend under my roof, that it is my house...life...and heart God choose for you. I knew that after I spent 26 hours trying to introduce you to the world, weighing as much as a whale who just won a pie eating contest, pumped full of drugs, with staples in my belly, and freshly relived of a catheter which I was having an allergic reaction to and dad pushed me down to meet you in my wheelchair and all I could feel holding you was complete bliss...that I was made for that moment and for you, that I was entering a new realm of living.

I do however realize that my time with you in this intimate and sweet setting is ticking away faster than I would like or could possibly imagine so I want you to know that....

while it's still my turn

i want to snuggle you as much as possible

feel your sweet head nestled right in the crook of my arm

embrace you and your adorable smile multiple times everyday

hold your hand when you reach for mine

and when you are kicking me in the back while you sleep in our bed, treasure that you are there

while it's still my turn

i want to create a family with you

where we have happy memories

and hard times we make it through because we love God and each other

where we celebrate when JOY comes our way

and pray each other through suffering

and create traditions that are silly but we wouldn't be the same with out them

while it's still my turn

i have so much to teach you

i want you to love the Lord and chase after him with all your heart and soul even though it's really hard sometimes

i want you to love and cherish your weird and wacky family

i want you to love others because that's what God calls us to do and because you feel he's calling you to that

i want you to love art, and things that aren't mainstream, and things that are beautiful and pure and worth being passionate about

while it's still my turn

i want to learn all that God has for me from you

(know that it's part of his plan for my heart to be transformed by you)

i NEED to be more patient

i NEED to always put you first even when I am sick and tired and frustrated

i NEED to love you with reckless abandon

i NEED this because I get that much closer to understanding God's great love for his children by loving you

while it's still my turn

i want to savor these moments

cherish the way you say things

adore the way you have serious bed head in the morning

remember how it feels to be the one you reach for first

carry with me the feeling i get every time you say "love you"

and never forget your sticky, slobbery kisses

while it's still my turn

i want to be constantly thankful

for you

your dad, who i adore

for the family that we have become

for the hardest times that have been and certainly will come because we will learn and grow

that i get to be your mom, you make my life, getting to do childhood again through you seems sweeter the second time around...through you everything is new and magical again

Thank you God it is still my turn

Soon enough there will be kindergarten, and friends

homework and sports

high school and college

work, a wife, and a family of your own

and i will love you the same through all of that

But I am sure loving my turn and i promise you that i am trying (and praying) to make the most of it.

I love you Griffin Andrew, my sweet sweet (and crazily wild) boy!

The woman who is blessed beyond belief to be your mom