While it's still my turn....

Dearest G man:

Just thinking about how big you are tonight and how quickly time has gone since you arrived. Do you know how thankful I am that for this brief moment on earth, and even briefer time you will spend under my roof, that it is my house...life...and heart God choose for you. I knew that after I spent 26 hours trying to introduce you to the world, weighing as much as a whale who just won a pie eating contest, pumped full of drugs, with staples in my belly, and freshly relived of a catheter which I was having an allergic reaction to and dad pushed me down to meet you in my wheelchair and all I could feel holding you was complete bliss...that I was made for that moment and for you, that I was entering a new realm of living.

I do however realize that my time with you in this intimate and sweet setting is ticking away faster than I would like or could possibly imagine so I want you to know that....

while it's still my turn

i want to snuggle you as much as possible

feel your sweet head nestled right in the crook of my arm

embrace you and your adorable smile multiple times everyday

hold your hand when you reach for mine

and when you are kicking me in the back while you sleep in our bed, treasure that you are there

while it's still my turn

i want to create a family with you

where we have happy memories

and hard times we make it through because we love God and each other

where we celebrate when JOY comes our way

and pray each other through suffering

and create traditions that are silly but we wouldn't be the same with out them

while it's still my turn

i have so much to teach you

i want you to love the Lord and chase after him with all your heart and soul even though it's really hard sometimes

i want you to love and cherish your weird and wacky family

i want you to love others because that's what God calls us to do and because you feel he's calling you to that

i want you to love art, and things that aren't mainstream, and things that are beautiful and pure and worth being passionate about

while it's still my turn

i want to learn all that God has for me from you

(know that it's part of his plan for my heart to be transformed by you)

i NEED to be more patient

i NEED to always put you first even when I am sick and tired and frustrated

i NEED to love you with reckless abandon

i NEED this because I get that much closer to understanding God's great love for his children by loving you

while it's still my turn

i want to savor these moments

cherish the way you say things

adore the way you have serious bed head in the morning

remember how it feels to be the one you reach for first

carry with me the feeling i get every time you say "love you"

and never forget your sticky, slobbery kisses

while it's still my turn

i want to be constantly thankful

for you

your dad, who i adore

for the family that we have become

for the hardest times that have been and certainly will come because we will learn and grow

that i get to be your mom, you make my life, getting to do childhood again through you seems sweeter the second time around...through you everything is new and magical again

Thank you God it is still my turn

Soon enough there will be kindergarten, and friends

homework and sports

high school and college

work, a wife, and a family of your own

and i will love you the same through all of that

But I am sure loving my turn and i promise you that i am trying (and praying) to make the most of it.

I love you Griffin Andrew, my sweet sweet (and crazily wild) boy!

The woman who is blessed beyond belief to be your mom

Whoops Mom, I couldn't wait......

So while I was drying my hair today, thinking that my little sweet pea was playing tenderly with his toys and watching Little Einsteins, he happened to be doing something else. I came down to find this......

Nothing but a sea of polka dotted tissue paper and a small boy shouting, "mommy, BUS and a toc toll (his word for truck)!" He was absolutely thrilled and so was I that he loved them...until it occurred to me that it is not yet Christmas and we were minus one Dad to see the joy of the opening. Ha...oh well....I think he'll be just as excited in a few days!

On a side note, I sure wish I could effectively communicate with Griffin about Santa, because then when nap time came around I could say, "let's stay in bed or Santa might not make it!" Ha ha! Instead I sit outside his door half falling asleep, saying Griffin....GET BACK IN BED! That boy is stubborn as a bull....I wonder where he gets that from??!!??

I took a few pics of our decor I'll post here too...Merry Christmas! Hope you all are enjoying the season even if your kiddos open their presents early!

It's raining....BOYS!!!

Eight....count em! Charlie, Joe, Trevor, Griffin, Elliot, Gavin, George & Micha...oh, and baby Clark makes nine but was too small to be subjected to this picture:)!

On Sunday we had all these boys over to our house to make ginger bread (ok graham cracker) houses! The boys (& mommies) are all friends from our great church, The Orchard. We've been getting together since the boys were little peanuts just sleeping quietly in their seats while us moms chatted about diaper brands and how the midnight feeding was going. I can tell you for sure that at this meeting there was no quiet and the chat time was in between herds of boys running by with bowls full of cheese balls and then you would have to re-gather your thoughts to finish your conversation about how to get a toddler to stay in their big boy bed or what kind of time out is working at your house! My how things have changed!

All in all the boys, moms & dads had a great time celebrating with each other and piles of candy to make some very colorful and interestingly constructed houses! We are so blessed to have such great friends and Griffin couldn't be more pleased when they are all at our house. For days now he has been saying "BOYS, BOYS!"! It's quite the disappointment when he wakes up and heads downstairs and they aren't all sitting at the table to join him for breakfast!

How the family keeps going....

Last Christmas all together 2006

Richard grandkids minus Robbie

Three and a half years ago my Grandpa Richard died. Besides losing one amazing, funny and full of life man from our lives we also in a way lost our grandma who quickly started having major memory issues and moved into an Alzheimer's unit. So, it seemed in a matter of days we lost what seemed to hold our family together. It's hard to realize and accept these things, especially when those holidays come around and the little things just aren't there. At the Richard house it was always about the food. Ask any of the kids and grand kids, what holidays meant was AMAZING food (I am worried about what my grand kids will say about me...haha)! Grandma always made sure she had your specific favorite and every body's favorite her homemade dinner rolls (i know, sounds strange but they are SO DELICIOUS!!). Plus, she made a cookie plate that puts Martha Stewart to shame and I am sure she and grandpa started working on it well before Thanksgiving. Food was their thing, my grandpa had some health problems so he sat in the kitchen helping her prep the food, make lists and shop. It was one of the ways they built the family whether they knew it or not and now it's those tastes that bring me right back to them, tucked in safe and sound right in their little yellow house in the middle of Ashland, Ne. Sometimes it seems tragic to me how quickly all of that was tugged out from under us, especially since there was no time to make sure we could continue those things with out them.

The other day though, I found a sweet little something tucked into one of my cookbooks as I was trying to find a recipe to make cookies for a cookie exchange. It's just as if grandma knew I would need something deliciously easy to make! It was a recipe for these peanut butter dipped cookies that were always on her cookie tray at Christmas. Griff & I made them that night and as he helped me spread the peanut butter, dip the cookies and sample the product I couldn't help but picture grandpa at the table spreading the peanut butter and grandma dipping them and how big of a kick they would get out of watching their great grandchild make their cookies.

It helps to ease the big hole that they left when I can share some of their life with Griffin, it seems like they just keep going. It's such a small little thing...a cookie (and sad for me to admit, it's the easiest thing in the world to make:)!)...but such a big life...big love...big traditions that make a family and live on in those still here. So blessed to have a little reminder of them this Christmas. Love them both so much!