a different kind of thankful...

In October of 2001 I got some news that definetly changed my life....type 1 diabetes.  At the time I was really only worried about whether or not I could still have kids (and the crazy 2 year old currently ripping apart my house proves that worry null & void:)!!).  This October was my 8 year annivarsery...too ironic of an event to make a cake for, ha!  

Being diabetic has it's down sides, that is for sure!  There have been times where I just felt too depressed and overwhelmed with everything to ever thrive in this...and if I am being honest some of those times were as recent as last week:)!  There's the high blood sugars that are high for no reason and won't come back down...the lows in the middle of night...the finger pokes 10 times a day...shots...figuring out how to pump...blood draws...counting how many carbs EVERYTHING I eat will add up to be...remembering a juice box & trying to find "diet"everywhere I go...watching my dad and Ryan look at me with that look when I tell them I forgot something that should be like breathing to me (my test kit & insulin)...revamping my lifestyle...having a polkadotted stomach from my pump sites...and I won't even tell you about being pregnant.  Since I have graduated college and Ry & I got married I have experience the burden of this disease in a whole new way...financially!  We have both spent hours on the phone trying to figure out how to work our benefits, having doctors sign forms and write letters and staring at our bank accounts wondering how in the world we will pay for another set of supplies.  This is sometimes the hardest part for me because I hate that I am always making it hard for us just to stay afloat!

ALL that being said, last night I got set up on a new pumping system called Omni Pod, you can check it out at www.myomnipod.com!  I have been feeling a little anxiety at a change in my diabetic routine (if there's something you don't do to a diabetic it's mess with their routine:)!).  That coupled with the fact that the last time I got on a pump it was hours of work and when I came home with it my mom pointed out that I had a tick on head...cue hysteria and water works!  My dear friend Woot took photos of that monumentous occasion and in them I am still tearing up a la combo tick removal and new "tail" that I would now have with me everywhere.  Not my best day!  This experience happened to run much smoother!  And as I sat there being trained this time I just kept thinking how thankful I am as opposed to feeling like a victim.  Tears were stinging the corners of my eyes, but they weren't sad ones.  I was thinking about how amazing it is that I have a Husband who was willing to sit through the training with me and enagage in all of it so he knows how to work it too...he gets up in the middle of the night to get me a snack...and he tolerates my having to pee all the time on road trips, although he is not thrilled when I can't wait till the next exit and I have to go in his empty diet coke cup(ha ha!).  I have friends who bring me a splenda for my coffee without even asking...family memebers who always make sugar free jello on the holidays...parents who are always willing to help out with finances when I feel like  I am drowning...and people who are more than willing to come to my aid in a moment of distress!  There are doctors & scientists working around the clock in this country and world wide to find a cure and things to help the diabetic lifestyle, my doctor & her nurse are helpful when I have a problem I can't solve on my own, and people are spending their every waking minute fundraising to find solutions.  I live in a place where I can get to a doctor in a matter of minutes and they are familiar with what is going on inside of me.  There are places in this country where people don't have the reasources to get to good doctors and get help, and there are places across the world where diabetes would be a death sentence.  The monthly fees for this device are equivalent to about $450 per month.  We are going to find a way to swing it though.  Not eveyone who has diabetes can.  I AM blessed.

Looking back on that day 8 years ago when I found out about diabetes sometimes seems like the first step into a big black hole of issues.  But over the last few years I have learned to see it as a beautiful look at God's hand in my life.  He has used it to shape me and call me to the person he knows I can be.  He has been with me since that moment and provided for me in ways I never knew were possible without this struggle in my life.  Look at how he has carried me in 8 years.  I graduated college with no interruptions, got married to someone who encourages me in this area, was able to get a job and work for 2 years before having a healthy little boy and becoming a mom.  If that isn't God taking care of me, than I can't tell you what is.  Now I have an opportunity to have the latest technology to help me stay healthy...and most importantly I have the same pump as NICK JONAS:)!  I have been sustained, provided for, carried, loved and helped along the way by the ultimate physician and father.  SO BLESSED, and thankful to that he is that faithful in my life.  Thanks diabetes!

This is what the pod looks like & I control it with a PDM which is basically like a remote!  I did great last night and woke up at 123 this morning!  WOW!  Now just pray I don't lose the PDM:)!